im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
