U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
