You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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