Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
