so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
