Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
