i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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