please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
