OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
