just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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