Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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