Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
