Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
