a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
