OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
