Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
