Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
