did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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