i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
