How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
