i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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