I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
