What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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