If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
