my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
