my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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