My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
