Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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