I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
