oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my being single is dangerous.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
