You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
