there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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