I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
