The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
