you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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