is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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