if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
