I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
