just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
