I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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