Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
