So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
PANTIES FOUND
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