By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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