Nicole vs. Life
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
