a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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