he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The feeling are messing with the penis
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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