you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My ass is underappreciated
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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