How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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