she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Randomize
