Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
