At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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