totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
